I am thankful...

I am so thankful for Mike and my girls....
I am so thankful for a loving and supportive family....
I am so thankful for our health....
I am so thankful for good jobs....
I am so thankful for a roof over our heads and cars to drive...
I am so thankful for everything that the Lord has done, and has given me...

A lot has happened this past month that has really caused me to question what I am doing with my life, and how I spend it every single day. My Godmother, Aunt Roe, was diagnosed with cancer. She had breast cancer 16 years ago and beat it. Has been in for checkups once a year since and it hasn't come back. Until now. She went in because she had a lump on her chest...after an xray they saw a 'spot' on her ribs. Sent her for more tests. She is ridden with cancer throughout her ribs, back, and lungs. Stage 4. They are still going to try chemo, but honestly, I know it's not good. Having a nurse for a Mom has opened my eyes to what the Dr's mean to say when they actually are talking. And I know the diagnosis. I've talked to Mike continuously about it, I've tried not talking about it. I've tried thinking about all the good memories, but then I think of the ones that won't be there. It has made me think about my life, and what I want or need to do in it. It makes me beyond sad.

A week ago a co-workers Grandson past away. He just turned 4 months old. What do you say? How do you act? I hugged V and Livi extra long that night, and every night after.

There's still so much crap surrounding Mike's brother. It makes me so sad at the situation that is going on, and I feel so completely helpless in everything. I want to make it better and I can't. He's on my mind a lot, and I feel guilty when I try not to think about him. I hate myself for trying....

A friends' wife is selling baked goods to help pay the bills that keep slipping farther and farther behind. They both work, but don't make enough to live. Their house might be taken away and they don't have money for food. I feel so sad that their story is the norm anymore and that it doesn't seem to be getting any better....

One of my best friends little boy is going in for his 6th surgery. He just turned 3. He was born a preemie and has been going through so much these past 3 years and he's such a fighter. He is a twin, but his brother past away at 1 month old.

Etc.

Etc.

Etc.


There's been so much going on lately I feel like I am drowning. I need to come up for air but I just feel so suffocated. I feel so lucky to have Mike around me, and to have healthy girls, etc....but I also feel guilty for the things that I do have. I'm scared about the upcoming months and the things that are to come, and there are days that I don't want to get up and think about everything that is going on, but you can't always control what enters your mind. I have been scrapbooking like mad trying to get done all of the ones that I have started over the years. I feel like I just need to get them done right now. I need to preserve the memories that I have from the past several years, and writing them all down lets me relive them, one day at a time. It's a good feeling, and something that I enjoy.

I am hoping that November ends quickly, and that December starts a more positive month, and new, more positive memories are made.

I am thankful for my family.