33 Week Appointment!

Went in today and everything is looking good! BP was 122/80, had ZERO weight gain since last time, and little V is measuring perfectly! Her heartbeat was a nice and steady 148 :) The issues? Well I still have ketones in my urine, so Dr. Finn actually told me to eat and drink MORE, LOL...as if I don't eat all.day.long. :) V is still breech, so we scheduled an u/s for July 21 to get her position and size. If she still hasn't turned then we have to go in for a c-section since the office doesn't do breech deliveries. Poo on that. I've resigned myself to the fact that I might have to have a c-section, and I'm really not upset about it or anything....but the recovery will really suck. But it is what it is right? No use stressing about it...she could still turn!
I will have to take a new belly pic soon......

Nursery is moving on up!

First off, Happy Fathers Day to all the Daddy's out there! :)
We had a wonderful brunch at the casino this morning which was ssooooo yummy, then Livi and I were sent out shopping so Mike could have some uninterrupted Daddy time. So since he had to twist my arm to go shopping *snicker* Livi and I had an AWESOME time at the mall! She helped me go through the bins at Gymboree (left with a billion and one socks and tights, yikes!), then search through the racks at Gap (great deals!) and even helped pick out Mike a new 360 game (Prototype)...then we made a stop at Build-A-Bear! She really loved the experience and we left with a Hello Kitty, adequately named "Hello Kitty" lol. It was a GREAT day and a GREAT relaxing night at home with Mike! :heart:

Yesterday we dug out the crib and other furniture from the attic and put it together in V's room. YAY! I washed all the bedding we have...and realized that we don't have a crib skirt. Boo on that. So no pics until I can get one, lol. Plus I have to spend some time finishing the painting on her letters so we can hang them as well. I know we have time, but I want it all to be perfect for our new little one. The carpet was installed this past Friday and it's like walking on clouds!! Now we just need to get the new doors and it'll be perfect. We are all SO excited to meet our little V!

Sometimes I don't feel all sunshine and roses

I wish my Mom wouldn't drink.
I wish my sister would grow up and mature.
I wish my brother would want to live.
I wish my Dad and I could talk.
I wish my Grandmother was able to love unconditionally.
I wish I knew how many Aunts and Uncles I had.

Argh.

Growing up we never really had a close knit family. We (meaning Mom, Dad, myself, Mike, and Em) would groan and moan anytime we had to go somewhere family oriented to spend the time with people that we would see once, maybe twice a year. But they were family so we "loved" them. Well now that us kids are all grown up (age, not maturity...) it's basically the same kind of mentality. We're not close. At all. It's sad to admit that I talk to acquaintances more then I talk to my Mom. We live 20 minutes away from my parents, yet see them few and far between. My Mom drives me crazy. She drinks so a problem lies there. Our family is full of secrets between one another, yet everyone knows everything, without knowing a thing. When listing emergency contacts on forms, is there something wrong that my family members never even occur for me to write? Mike is extremely close to his brothers, and for that I am jealous. I wish I was remotely close to mine. I haven't talked to my brother in months, and that last time was no longer then a 4 minute conversation. I see my sister fairly often, but that's because our kids play...we never have any deep, meaningful conversations. It's sad. I love my Dad to death, but I would never even feel comfortable calling him up to say hello. Fathers Day and his Birthday are more awkward then fun.

I want closeness for Livi and the baby. I want a loving family for us to surround ourselves with. When there's an issue in our family, money is thrown at it and it's expected to go away. Money replaces love in most instances, and tears are rarely seen. Gossip comes from opening up to someone, and truths are always twisted and thrown back. Problems are overlooked, and celebrations thrown for the wrong reasons. It's so hard for me to wrap my mind around Grandparents that want to see their Grandkids, and want to take them for the night....it's so foreign to me. Sad. I feel bad for Livi. I feel bad for us.

Ramblings

Not being able to sleep at night leaves alot of time to lay back and go over everything that is stressing your mind. I listen to Mike snoring, praying that we can easily grow old together....I watch Livi as she sleeps, praying that another seizure doesn't disrupt the night again....I focus on the baby coming and stress about what isn't done yet....I go over in my mind the work day, what could have been done differently and how to positively motivate people to do more....I think of the house projects, each piling up with no time to get everything done....etc. It's uncomfortable for me to lay anymore, so I spend most of the "sleep" I do get tossing and turning. Then I lay there, waiting for my alarm clock to go off so I can finally have an excuse to get out of bed and start getting ready for the day. I drag myself to work, stop at Tim Hortons for my caffeine quickstart to the day, and zombie through the motions until I can leave to go home. I anxiously await the time that I can slide underneath the covers and shut my eyes, yet when that time comes, I feel no relief. I'll get my token "nap" for an hour, two if it's a good night, then the insomnia awakes me again for round 2. I've found that I'll go through these for several days, but it's usually on the 4th day of less then 2 hours of sleep a night that my body just shuts down. Like completely, totally, shuts down. I'll fall asleep whereever I am....there's really no stopping it....it just sort of happens. And it'll be good sleep....the kind that you don't want to wake up from. So I look forward to those days...those nights....that I can grasp onto sleep and throw all my worries aside.

Some of everything

We went out on the boat last night and boy did Livi have a BLAST!!! She would not stop smiling ear to ear :) She loved the water splashing on her face, going super fast, watching the sunset, etc. She is a true water baby!! Now the weather just needs to get a bit warmer so we can get out the water skis and inner tube :) Here are some pics...






Today we're heading back up to Lowe's and hopefully picking out flooring to put in the bathroom. Now we have flooring picked out already that we absolutely love, but we changed our plans on the bathroom so we're holding out to get the nice ceramic tile we want until we get the new tub installed. So we just want to get some cheap flooring that will suffice until then. With all the other projects, and the new baby coming we figured it's better just to get any flooring in there right now then continue to live in the state of disrepair like we have been, lol. So I hope we find something good, buy it, and install it today. Overambitious? Maybe. But here's to hoping atleast!

Also we're getting Livi her pink sand she's been wanting today. Yes, pink sand. We emptied her sand box early spring thinking we're past the sand age, but nope, she saw the pink sand a few weeks ago and has constantly asked for it since, lol. I was going to stop and grab it yesterday, but I know there's no way I'd be able to move it, and since Mike was at an all day golf outing, I figured waiting until today would be the same thing as leaving it in the trunk. So off to pink sand world we go!

She's a mover!

We picked the carpet for little V's room last night and we're hoping that they can come and install it this upcoming Tuesday since Mom has off and can be here. Not that I would mind them coming while we're at work, but I think Roxy would have a coronary if strangers came into the house while we weren't here. So if it's a day Mom has to work, we're taking Roxy over there for the time being to save everyone's sanity :) But we got such a GREAT deal on the carpet I'm just so excited!!! We wanted a light grey for the room, since the walls are a really light blue and we painted the trim white, so that's what we went looking for. We walked in thinking we'll just pick the carpet we like, and if it's too expensive, we'll ask if they have a similar style for less. Well the carpet we found was $42.95 a square yard! YIKES. So we were talking to the sales guy and just our luck....they had a remnant of that same carpet that would just fit (within an inch!)....it was just really really light beige vs. the grey we wanted. Fine by me!!! By getting the remnant we saved almost $250.00!!!! So SWEET deal on that!! The carpet is so plush and soft I want to sleep on it....I love love LOVE it!

And speaking of our little one....
I think our little Violet takes great pleasure in kicking the crap out of me all day, lol. She is currently feet down, head up, so it constantly feels like she is trying to stick her foot out and kick at my pelvic bones. Not to mention the moving of her head and arms all throughout my ribs....quite uncomfortable at times. ;P I love love LOVE feeling her kick and squirm around, but lately it seems to be 24 hours a day this child is awake, lol. Let's hope she realizes night time is bedtime soon :)

Ultrasound!

Yay for a fantastic ultrasound!!! The cyst that Violet had is completely gone which is so wonderful! I asked Mary if Vi is indeed a girl, and she's fairly certain she is....and it took alot of work to get that much, lol. I had to lay on my stomach, lay on my side, she was squishing my belly all over, etc....little Violet was hiding her face under my ribs, and her hands between her legs. So we didn't get any u/s pics today - boo! - but that's ok because we'll meet her soon!
:heart:

Another Ultrasound, yay!!

Tomorrow I have another u/s and I can't wait!!!! It's super early (7:30am!) which is great because I can't wait! :) And we're ssslllllooowwwwlllyyy getting Violet's room ready! It's all painted and waiting for furniture....we just have to get the carpet installed, and soon! Hopefully it'll happen by the middle of next week....although if it can be in by Friday of this week I would be beyond ecstatic! Then we can assemble the crib, and start decorating. I'm so giddy with excitement of meeting her, yet scared to death of having two kids. TWO KIDS!! This pregnancy has flown by so fast...it's hard to believe that I only have 9 weeks left...W.O.W. Although this pregnancy hasn't been as pleasant as it was when I was pregnant with Livi since I've had a bunch of issues with my iron and blood pressures, I'm still thoroughly enjoying it. And Mike is a complete blessing throughout everything...he's even handling my bitching in stride, lol. I think he's completely amazed at how big my belly is getting....it seems like it grows so much bigger every single day....it's crazy.
So wish us luck tomorrow that everything looks great (they are following up on a small spot they saw on the heart. They aren't concerned about it though, so we haven't been) and little Vi looks terrific! I will be posting the pics tomorrow :)

B*tch*ng

Some people just need smacked. Seriously. Quit your attention seeking ways and get over yourself. You know the people I'm talking about...the ones who have it worse then everyone no matter the circumstance. The ones whose headaches throb harder, whose job is tougher, whose pain is deeper. It makes me want to smack them. Do you think that they know people are frusterated with them? Do you think that they know that people are tired of them? Rolling their eyes behind their backs? Do you think that they know? Do they care?

It makes me want to scream.

Some people just need smacked....

More neurology....

So after Livi's THIRD seizure this past week on vaca (while on the PA turnpike....and it was a bad one...) we scheduled a face-to-face meeting with Dr. Hershkowicz today at 2:15. Mike and I have heavily discussed this past week about putting Livi on some meds since they are still happening, and was prepared for Dr. H suggesting them at the appt today....and were totally shocked when she thought that it was better to hold off on them. After going into every seizure episode again, and exploring all of the different reasons that could be behind them, she is thinking that she has a disorder (sorry, can't remember the name of it for the life of me!) where basically she'll 'outgrow' them by age 5. It's something in 1-5 yr olds where they are extremely sensitive to changes and their brain will just freeze up and seize. And since Livi doesn't display any signs or symptoms of having seizures during the day, the Dr. is pretty much ruling out epilepsy. Yay! BUT if she hits age 5 and is still having them, then it's time to put her on Keppra (sp?) since it will most likely indicate that she has a seizure disorder. :( So it looks like we continue on with no sleep at night, and Livi still in our bed. We explained our theory on why they happen to her, and she tends to agree that it could be the cause.....that Livi just overheats. So we have to get her a spritzer bottle and everytime it's hot out, or she's getting really warm, we have to spritz her body down with the cold water so the heat dissapates from her body.
The second set of great news ::insert sarcasm:: is that Dr. H is leaving August 31 to Seattle Washington :( So for now we are sticking with her nurse practioner, Kim, who has been with her for the past 10 years. We have a follow up with her in December, and I pray that we don't have to go in before then.
It weighs so heavily on my heart that this is happening to my sweet Angel. It feels like everytime I close my eyes I can picture her seizing and I start crying. I can't sleep at night, I can't relax during the day, and I can never let her out of my sight when her eyes are closed. The stress of something happening is a constant pressure that I feel is getting so heavy. I don't think I have slept more then an hour at a time since this past seizure, and I don't see anymore sleep in my near future. I drag all day at work, and all night at home. I can't focus on anything anymore out of pure exhaustion, and have become more lightheaded and sick because of it.
::sigh::