Ramblings

Not being able to sleep at night leaves alot of time to lay back and go over everything that is stressing your mind. I listen to Mike snoring, praying that we can easily grow old together....I watch Livi as she sleeps, praying that another seizure doesn't disrupt the night again....I focus on the baby coming and stress about what isn't done yet....I go over in my mind the work day, what could have been done differently and how to positively motivate people to do more....I think of the house projects, each piling up with no time to get everything done....etc. It's uncomfortable for me to lay anymore, so I spend most of the "sleep" I do get tossing and turning. Then I lay there, waiting for my alarm clock to go off so I can finally have an excuse to get out of bed and start getting ready for the day. I drag myself to work, stop at Tim Hortons for my caffeine quickstart to the day, and zombie through the motions until I can leave to go home. I anxiously await the time that I can slide underneath the covers and shut my eyes, yet when that time comes, I feel no relief. I'll get my token "nap" for an hour, two if it's a good night, then the insomnia awakes me again for round 2. I've found that I'll go through these for several days, but it's usually on the 4th day of less then 2 hours of sleep a night that my body just shuts down. Like completely, totally, shuts down. I'll fall asleep whereever I am....there's really no stopping it....it just sort of happens. And it'll be good sleep....the kind that you don't want to wake up from. So I look forward to those days...those nights....that I can grasp onto sleep and throw all my worries aside.