I actually MISS work???? wth....

Ok. I know I've always said that I'm not "stay at home mom" material....and I've always thought that maybe I wasn't being 100% honest with myself. Afterall, it was never a true possibility that I would be able to stay home all the time and be comfortable on Mike's income alone. But ever since we started talking about having baby #2, Mike's brought it up. On how nice it would be for me to stay home, take care of the kids, etc. Be that "soccer mom" lol. And throughout my pregnancy we talked about it, and talked about it, and I convinced myself that ok, I would go on maternity leave, finish it out, go back, and put my 2 weeks in. It's something that got me through a lot of rough patches at work, and I became excited about it. Once I got home from the hospital with V, I had a BLAST! I LOVED staying home with the girls! We went out to socialize, visited with people, had dinner prepared, house clean, etc. I was so excited that I was going to be able to stay home full time. Well fast forward to this week....that joy is gone, lol. My patience is depleted, my motivation for keeping the house clean is gone, and I actually MISS being at work. I miss the responsibilities I had there, the people, the adult conversations, the feeling of really being important. (so, ok, being a sahm is very important...but there's not appreciation, lol) So now I'm torn.
I can't imagine leaving V at daycare....it tears at my heart just thinking about it. But then I try to be rational about it....I know she'll be fine there....Livi will be there....we know the ladies there....work will make me more sane....etc. So I *know* it's a good decision to go back to work, I just can't commit to it. ::sigh::
Everytime I talk to them at work, there's that question, 'when are you coming back?' At first I said the end of September, then I moved it to the first week of October, then just the other day, I said the middle of October. Ugh. When I was talking to Mike about it last night, I think I decided on October 5. But looking at the calendar that just seems way too soon! V will barely be 6 weeks old at that point....can I really take her to the daycare when she's still so young? I don't have to go back until the middle of November....should I just wait until then? I'm actually afraid of going back. Wth? I'm afraid that I won't like it when I get back there, I'm afraid that it'll be way to hard to leave V, I'm afraid that we'll have to switch to formula full time (one of the MAIN reasons that I want to wait it out...), I'm afraid that I'll regret it. We're losing our Manager to another office, so chances are when I go back, he'll be gone. Which leaves me with a whole new set of responsibilities and jobs that I just don't know if I want right now.
Well I guess I have to go in to the office today to talk about a few things, and we'll see how that all goes. Ugh. Who would have thought that I would miss that place????......